apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
