Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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