When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
