he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
