He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
