What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
