Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He kissed a someone with a penis
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
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