it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
