I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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