why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
