I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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