I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
