He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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