dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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