I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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