Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
someone owes me an orgasm
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How drunk are you?
Completed.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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