You can't special order awesome
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
