A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
