ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
