Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
