just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
