I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
