Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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