he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
