I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
