toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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