I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And then my night got REAL pukey
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
