Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
