And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize