idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
