Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
