i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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