aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
