either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
