Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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