So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
