Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
