I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I puked a lego.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
