Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
