I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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