i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
