he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
