I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
