How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
