I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
