According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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