normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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