I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
