Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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