Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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