Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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