I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
