If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize