he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The Olympian is in my bed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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