just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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