i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
