Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize