Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She told me I should be a condom model.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
