4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My balls are so social today.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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