his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
