Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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