Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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