11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
