I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
