So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
