I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
