who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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