If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
