if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
